No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
