did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
