Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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