Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
