He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
