It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
