And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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