Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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