i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
