Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
is this the sara with the beer cane?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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