I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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