we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
