I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
