Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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