Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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