Kareoke will never be a sober sport
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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