Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
