I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
