do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
