STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
