he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
