How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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