I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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