i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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