im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
