wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
