I wish I could teleport
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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