If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
