I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
