you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am naked and annoyed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
