I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
