glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
