cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
