Got a toothbrush?
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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