Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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