how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
