he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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