Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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