i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
