my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
