Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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