Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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