I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
