YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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