Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
