Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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