he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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