so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
