i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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