She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
